Mom

I'm sitting here holding my baby boy & feeling like the luckiest woman in the world. Sometimes it hits me: I'm a mommy! It's the most natural feeling but occassionally I stop & realize Darius is MY son! I know that everything happens in God's time and I probably was too selfish and not ready to accept the responsibility that comes with motherhood until now but now after so many years of being an aunt & watching my friends have babies, it's finally my turn to feel that unconditional love that I've longed for for so long. When he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and reaches for my face, it's like he knows and can feel all the love I have for him. I'm his Mommy and he needs me. What a wonderful feeling! I have felt that love from my nieces and nephews but ultimately at the end of the day they would prefer their Mommy over me. And that's the way it should be. I'm so glad that I have been able to be very involved as an aunt and nothing could ever replace that either. They are as precious to me as Darius is and my heart melts every time one of them reaches for me for a hug or kiss or just can't wait to share a story with me. But I've always had to "give" them back eventually, they're not mine to keep. Now I have that forever and always relationship with my child. He's not of my flesh but he is a part of me. I heard someone refer to their adopted child by saying "he didn't grow under my heart, but in it" And it's so true. He is mine and I am his. As an adult when I'm sick or sad I always go to my mom for comfort. There's nothing like it in the world, to lay with my head against her and have her stroke my hair or my back. Mom. Such a simple short word but the most important title (second only to Child of God) I will ever have. Maybe it's the cough syrup or lack of sleep but I'm feeling a little sappy and I just wanted to say some things that were in my heart. (Come back on Valentine's Day & maybe I'll write about how wonderful Greg is and how much I love being a wife!)